MéNAGE à QUOI? By Samantha Payne

I have been unfaithful to my wife, but at this point, it’s whatever. We’ve grown apart, having nothing in common anymore, and she’s a spiteful bitch. But I come home every day to her.

Today, is different, however; as she is not in her usual spot on the couch watching her horrid reruns of Total Divas in which she’s commandeered the DVR space for. No, today I find her in the bedroom, but she is not alone, no, she is sleeping with our neighbor…Craig.

“You’re home early,” she says to me, holding the covers to her naked breasts, “I don’t know what to say.” She looks at me with false apologies in her eyes, but I can see the truth, just beneath her forgive-me-lashes are the eyes of the woman I married saying, “Gotcha’ now, you son of a bitch.”

And then there’s Craig, looking shocked and uncomfortable. As he should be, the idiot.

But, ultimately, I don’t care.

“Eh, whatever, It’s ok, I guess.” I shrug.

She looks surprised, irritated even, by my lack of reaction. “You’re not angry, but why?” No apologies for having another man in our bed, for her infidelity, just why.

I’m as nonchalant as one can be as I respond, “I slept with him too.”