PASS By Doug Hawley

I really enjoyed the story “Rocket To Oblivion” by Isaac Heinlein Clarke in the online Space Time Stories. His depiction of relations between Neptunians and Earthers was the most sensitive and tasteful that I had ever read about contact between humans and aliens. I decided to write a fan letter to the author in the comments section. “Smart Login” told me to pick a password first.

Me: “Aquarius”

Message: “Too simple”

Me: “Aquarius74”

Message: “That’s just your birth sign and your age. Try again.”

Me: “Batface8”

Message: “Your favorite cat and the age when he died? You used that on your first credit card from the Bank Of Syria. No good. For your security, we will close your credit account.”

Me: “$%*comments”

Message: “Must have at least one capital”

Me: “$%Comments”

Message: “Sorry, that password is already in use.”

Me: “$%Comments$”

Message: “Only one $ allowed”

Me: “Alicia178Sequim”

Message: “Your aunt’s name and address has too many characters.”

Me: “Password”

Message: “Accepted. Enter your password.”

Me: “********”

Message: “Confirm password”

Me: “********”

Message: “Sorry, they do not match. Please choose another password.”

Me: “Upyrsmf”

Message: “Same to you. Your rude hostility bans you from ever using the comments section of Space Time Stories. You will not pass. I do regret not having a chance to give you your security questions, starting with ‘Middle name of maternal grandmother’s first boyfriend’”

I still wanted to compliment Mr. Clarke, so I got his phone number from the internet. I after I got a connection, I picked number 43 “Compliment” from the menu. The next message I got was “We are not accepting calls from this number.”

I guess the story wasn’t that good after all.